Friday the 13th - Don't Poach Jason's Pot Plants

4/10

Long story short, this movie brings nothing new to the table. It's the same old hour and a half of slasher movie cliches. A couple of rude dudes, stoners, couples who care about nothing but innuendo and consummation, and of course the black guy and the Asian guy bite it.

This movie plays more like an homage to the first three movies than an actual reboot. You get the sackhead version of Jason, a couple of glimpses at his Sloth from the Goonies visage, and of course the Detroit Red Wings hockey mask version of Jason. He carries around his trademark machete like a drunk carries around his Thunderbird. And he loves his decapitated mother more than ever in this one.

A few funny things did come out of this movie. Apparently if you are a chick with red hair, Jason will become disoriented and confuse you with his mom. And he won't kill you; he'll just keep you as a prisoner. Also, if he's about to cut your head off and you say his name, he'll pause and cock his head like a puppy dog. This movie is pretty derivative and boring, but it can be made much more fun if you simply imagine that Jason is the one growing the marijuana near Camp Crystal Lake and that he will go to murderous lengths to protect his crop. Other than that, this movie has little entertainment value since the acting is third-rate and the story is as stale as twenty year old bread.

One last interesting tidbit: the alpha male douchebag character, Trent, is played by the same actor as the "Trent" character from Michael Bay's "Transformers." Given Michael Bay's penchant for the inane and the fact that he produced this installment of Friday the 13th, I doubt this is coincidence.